When I feel lost and like I have no purpose, I go back to the basics. Trust God, clean house and help others. You can replace the word “God” with whichever spiritual deity that you align yourself with. Whichever source of power you can tap into will suffice. For me, I have to ask for help to gain knowledge of its will for me. I have to ask that I be shown how to make wrongs right and how I can be useful to the next human being I encounter. If I make an effort to do one or all of these things, I stand for having a much better day—a much better life. My goal today is to be better than I was yesterday and I want to enjoy the outdoors. Charleston, SC offers some of the most scenic landscapes I’ve ever witnessed and it’s right in my back yard.
So about 3 weeks ago, I started learning some songs with Christian Carroll, a phenomenal violinist. Our first show together was at the Whisky a GOGO in Los Angeles. What makes our story fascinating is the way we came about. Christian’s father, the late Steve Carroll had a dying wish that his son Christian would get out from just playing Tommy Condon’s downtown and that he would do something with his music career. That’s where I come in. Old man Steve also had mentioned to me how he wanted his son Christian to get on the professional music career level like me. 3 years after Steve’s passing, here we are making amazing music together. We only had 2 weeks to prepare for the whisky show and we made people’s heads spin! Nobody could believe we had only been playing together for a few weeks. Not only did I find my match on a professional level but I gained a new best friend in the process. I’m so grateful!
So I just found out that I need two more surgeries and need to cancel my tour because of a bad car accident I was in. I’m really quite angry and frustrated. I hate having limitations. I’m used to handling everything myself and not having to ask for help. I guess this is a lesson in humility. I have to humble myself and ask others to assist me. However, I’ve been conditioned to not rely on people. It’s like I’m in a constant handicapped state. I know this too shall pass and after my surgeries I won’t be in nearly as much pain. Pain is the touchstone to growth they say but I’ve been in pain for almost 2 years now. Yes I definitely have grown wiser in the last 2 years but I can’t help but to think how much better my life could be if I didn’t have ruptured discs in my spine. Everything happens for a reason so the only conclusion I can come to is that I needed to slow down. I needed time to work on myself and to get sober once and for all. In that case, I’m grateful for my current circumstance. Gratitude has to come first above all else or I won’t succeed and achieve my goals.
I don’t know about you but I have to take spiritual medicine every day or my life seems bleek and gray. I have to find inner peace by asking my creator to guide me through the day and to use me how He sees fit. In the shower I ask for forgiveness. I feel reborn and cleansed of my wickedness every time. I reach out to elders seeking wisdom. They give me solutions and suggestions for any problem I may face. I have multiple prayers that I’ve come to believe in whole heartedly that I repeat in my mind dozens of times throughout the day. When undergoing such a routine, I feel protected. I get a new sense of confidence. All the right things are happening around me and I had nothing to do with it really. It’s the universe responding to my kindness towards it and all its creatures.
I’ve entered into a new phase of existence. I’m aware of my character flaws and ask daily for God to have all of me, good and bad. I’m trusting that all the great things happening now are because of my increased faith that i actually— despite the immense pain I’m in—deserve what’s going on. My professional career as an entertainer has just been increased a level and now I have to adapt to a new role. A new role I believe God has been preparing me for. So grateful for all the signs he’s been showing me. I’m at the pinnacle moment, a turning point in my career. It’s a beautiful transformation and I joyfully anticipate the next experience.
I’m incredibly surprised and grateful for a series of opportunities recently. I get to play my music on a stage that was the home of legendary artists like Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, LED Zepplin and the list goes on and on. Why did the Whisky A Go Go choose me? I have no idea. Maybe the universe knows I’m ready. Maybe I would’ve screwed this opportunity up had this happened last year. It’s quite possible that the booking agent took a good look at all the work I’ve put into being a professional entertainer and songwriter. It doesn’t really matter. I feel blessed nonetheless. My Creator has a funny way of showing me who I really am.
I have to admit that I really don’t know what is happening to me. I mean I know I’m changing. We’re always changing. This is more like a revelation of purpose. I often question my existence but then get smacked with pain to awaken. The universe is telling me to go right and my brain says go left and insert an injury. I guess I’m about 50% confused as to whether I’m an alien or am I a floating spirit in one of the rings around Saturn? I can tell you that I give up trying to figure out the mystery. I put it all up to fate and I’m going to take a chance proceeding with faith. Faith and action. The willingness to attempt an action with integrity is good enough. I’m not going to nail it every time! I hold myself to such these high standards and expectations that are impossible for me to hit. I’m going to practice being ok with an imperfect me.
Building a solid team is so important when pursuing your dream career. I am constantly under council of at least 5 trusted mentors before I make a decision. I’m not 100% at it but that is what I strive for every time something comes up that needs my attention. The team I have in place for my path of professionalism are extremely knowledgeable, experienced and have my best interest in mind. It’s not about money. It’s about genuinely caring enough to help the cause. The journey is the pay off and of course when I reach my ultimate goal there will be bonuses for those who helped me get there. I don’t forget how I got to where I am. It’s been the people in my close circle who ultimately saved my life and gave me a new one.
My favorite prayer says it all, “ Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where this is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen.” —Saint Francis
I don’t know why it’s taken so long but I’m finally booking shows in new markets. It’s been my dream to cast out my music as a widespread net, captivating those who listen. I’ve wanted to take my show on the road for the longest time so I’m excited to finally experience this and share my travels with the fans. I do what I do in order to bring people joy, happiness and a fresh outlook on life. When somebody in the audience is reached, I feel a sense of accomplishment. The more I’m out there in the scene, the more accomplished I feel. I’m truly grateful for my supporters, sponsors and those who have encouraged this big next step. Thanks again. Check out my schedule and line up of shows. More TBA.