Is this really happening? Sometimes I have to emphatically and strongly soul search then take a long hard look at where my feet are. I didn’t get here overnight and I have to remember those stark times when my feet were dragging or stomping or trudging. It’s been an incredible journey thus far. I’ve battled the doubts, the disbelief, the disillusionment. I had to make a lot of outlandish mistakes. Some decisions of mine were a complete 180 from what very wise people in my network were suggesting. I paid dearly for those mistakes but it was necessary and important that I learned from them. The moments are going to come again. I will be wrong again. However, the path has already been placed. I just have to continue following it and yes, it really is happening. Speaking of the path already laid down, my belief in a Higher Intelligence is strong and I have to rigorously depend and rely on it. He made me the way I am, faults and all. God has the power. I lack power and have to continuously ask for His will to be shown, otherwise I’m kinda lost. I’ll go back to disillusionment. I’ll go back to relying on myself who makes bad decisions without the guidance of my Higher Power who speaks through the wise ones. If I don’t listen to that, my free will, will either kill me or save me. I choose to be saved-one day at a time.
Boredom really drives me nuts. I don’t know about you but when there’s nothing to do, I don’t know what to do with myself. I usually pace around till something pops in my head, then I’ll go do that. That’s not always right to do though. If I pause when the feeling of boredom hits and audibly ask the universe what I should be doing? How may I best serve thee. Then within seconds or minutes of being completely still-breathing, listening, absorbing the earths energy; an answer will come. A direction will appear and that is, what seems to me, Gods will. As long as that answer doesn’t involve hurting myself or others mentally, physically or spiritually; I’m good to go. I have to be very careful though. It’s easy for me to start picturing my Creator as myself and that’s dangerous. I don’t have the same power that he has! So when boredom or indecision comes, hit the pause button, ask for guidance and really listen.
I'm a dumbass. I admit that because half the time, I have no idea how to live life and I need lots of help to get through each day. I was in a real bad car accident back in July of 2017 and ended up needing spinal surgery. I had the surgery almost 3 months ago now and I'm still in nearly intolerable pain every day. That incident altered my life in a permanent way. Physically, I'm unable to do anything relatively, remotely, physical. I can't run. I can't do push ups. I've gained 40lbs since last year because I haven't been able to exercise. I got hooked on pain meds and suddenly realized I was having a problem abusing them.
One day, I got hit with Narcan because when my psychiatrist called EMS on me, after a really bad episode; they said that I had taken 3 pain pills but somehow EMS thought I had taken 30 pain pills and believed that I had overdosed. There's millions of people overdosing in the US and in Charleston, so when they hear percaset, they go into just "another overdose" mode. It's a common call they get. I'm gonna tell you, that was a nightmare-ultimately one of the most painful experiences I've ever had. There's plenty more painful experiences but I will divulge those in upcoming blogs. LOL.
There is more to this horrible story that I feel necessary to reveal. What had really happened to cause EMS to show up was that I smoked weed after 90 days of being clean, took 3 percaset and started a new psych med that could possibly lower my blood pressure. Well, I bugged out. Crying hysterical I called my mentor, did not tell him I smoked pot. He tells me "Call the psychiatrist and tell them what you did."
So, I called them, frantically, without saying I smoked weed and the lovely receptionist called 911 for me. They showed up and I instantly knew I was in a heap of shit. They fired off a million questions, I'm stoned as fuck (excuse my language), I couldn't understand why the EMT's were pissed off and angry so I was pissed off and angry back.
In the ambulance they strap me down because at this point I'm irate. They say I'm nodding out but I was really just having a panic attack. That's when they jam some Narcan in my veins. I had no idea what Narcan even was. Part of me thought it was going to be pleasant and a calming experience. It wasn't peaceful at all. In fact, it's the opposite of peaceful. In 90 seconds, I went from being intensely stoned,a panicking idiot to a violently ill, instantly withdrawing, most fucked up feeling of "I'm gonna die" person. Once hit with that lovey drug, they needed a urine sample at the hospital. I couldn't pee in front of them. I got gun-shy and I was still enraged about the deathly ill feeling I had. Then they-without my permission-shoved a tube inside my pee-hole. Oh it was just fucking great! Just kidding. It was horrifying. But here I am 3 months later starting to feel like a human again.
I still have pain and lots of it. However, I've been off narcotic pain pills for 2 months. I take IBprofin. I also don't use alcohol anymore. I can't use alcohol anymore. That doesn't fix anything. It makes everything worse. It's actually probably the worse thing I could do right now. I want to be healthy and clean but I have a brain that constantly tells me that I need medicine in whatever form we can find. My brain lies to me because I'm sick. I have to deal with it. There is a way that makes it manageable though and it starts with morning prayer and meditation. It requires me to talk with a mentor at least once a day. I have to help other people in order to receive help from others.
I can help in lots of ways. By putting myself out there in hopes that some people can relate, find a resource in my past mistakes and my tragedies could be helpful to others. Who knows? Maybe this little rant will help someone suffering from the same thing I got. Feel free to join my mailing list and share this article if you found it interesting. Respond to me by email or on social media. I'm not hard to find. LOL. I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
-Joe Gallagher Jr.
My latest album, Side Effects, took a lot out of me emotionally and mentally. To me, the album is so versatile because of my mental state at the time of recording it. First of all, I was off my psych meds and was on a mental and emotional roller-coaster. There's so many styles and genres represented on the album I think mainly because I wasn't very stable. Even though I may have been in a bad place, the album still came out great. I would love to get some feedback from my fans after listening to the album. Let me know what you think and if you can feel the journey that I was on while recording.
For some reason, I feel most connected to my Creator when I’m out in nature on a peaceful walk. Here I intently listen to the thousands of natural sounds that invigorate my senses. To me, it’s a form of meditation that produces such a feeling of connectedness that it’s hard to describe. The water gently moving, the breeze gently blowing and the unseen creatures singing their songs eases my mind into serenity. I strongly recommend to anyone seeking a spiritual life, to get out in nature and experience it often.